Elder Mediation Services Case Examples

Case Examples of Situations Appropriate for Elder Mediation

Following are some examples of situations, listed by category of conflict, that may be
appropriate for elder mediation.

Housing/Living Arrangements

The family just can’t agree about whether Mom needs 24-hour live-in care now. Son Nick
thinks she should be placed in assisted living, where the level of care can change as her
needs increase. He even set up an appointment to tour the facility with Mom. But Mom won’t
even talk about going into an “old folks’ home.” Nick had to cancel the appointment.

Arlene is very depressed to think that she will have to go into a nursing home when she
leaves the hospital. They say it will be temporary, until her hip fracture heals, but she knows
she will never go home again if she doesn’t go now. Her husband agrees with her, but her
son thinks the hospital discharge planner is right.

Safety

Dad wants to live alone in the old family home indefinitely. Moose, his dog, is his best friend
in the whole world. But I am so afraid that either he’ll fall down and break something when
the dog runs outside dragging Dad behind him or set the house on fire falling asleep while
smoking on the sofa or in bed. He won’t talk with me about moving.

Caregiving

Dad wants to have his daughter, Sue, cook, clean and provide personal care for him,
because she has always been his favorite child and knows just how he likes things done.
That would mean Sue would have to give up her job—and what about the kids? Sue has
contacted an agency that provides non-medical care and services.

Ralph has been taking faithful and loving care of Hattie since her stroke, but their children
are concerned for his own health. He won’t accept respite care because that would mean he
had failed Hattie. The nurse that knows Hattie and Ralph from the doctor’s office has heard
about elder mediation.

Healthcare Planning

Joe has been getting Meals-on-Wheels for the past year now, since he became unable to
walk to his favorite café. But his social worker is concerned that he has become completely
isolated and recommends he ride the bus to the meal site at the neighborhood Senior
Center a couple of days a week. She suspects he is drinking more as his depression
increases. Son Greg sees no problem.

Mrs. Bean’s neighbor and friend, Fran, think she needs to be seeing a therapist. Mrs. Bean
is so upset and anxious about the fact that neither her son nor daughter call or come to see
her anymore. She is asking for more time and emotional support than Fran chooses to
provide. Fran called the Helpline and they are mailing her some information about elder
mediation.

Medical Treatment

Willard has been recently diagnosed with terminal cancer; his wife and daughter want him to
do everything he can to try to beat the disease and live as long as possible. Willard doesn’t
want to go through the misery of chemo and radiation treatments, being sick as a dog until
he dies anyway. His son seems to understand. Dr. Hart is quite concerned at how this
disagreement is affecting Willard’s spirits. He would like to see Willard and his family discuss
this and come to some agreement so that they can pull together in support of Willard.

Rachel is pretty easy-going and rational when she is taking her meds, but she doesn’t
believe in such strong medications. She doesn’t even feel like herself when she stays
medicated. Her son and daughter disagree about what she should do. The son doesn’t live
in the same town—no wonder he says she shouldn’t take them if she doesn’t want to. The
hospital’s geriatric mental health clinic is aware of this conflict.

Financial Management

The power and phone have been cut off twice in the last year at Ernie’s house. He says he
has the money, but loses the bills in his piles of paper. His nearest relative is his niece,
Gretchen, who lives across town. Ernie doesn’t want to trouble her for help. The man from
the electric company called Gatekeepers.

Emily, a spry 85 year old, recently took in a border, Tim, age 31, who promised her he would
stay and take care of her house and yard for nothing but free room and board. Her
daughter, Leslie, who lives in Cincinnati, fears for her mother’s personal and financial
safety. She is so vulnerable to flattery. Leslie called a private geriatric care manager she
found by calling ElderCare Locater.

Bob has a gambling problem; he cashes his check as soon as he gets it and runs out of
cash, “borrowing” food from his neighbor by the middle of the month. Video poker and Keno
are his games of choice. His daughter, Gail, lives in Washington, D.C., too far away to
manage his money for him. When she recently visited, she saw all kinds of sweepstakes mail
and she is worried sick. Bob says he can spend his money any way he wants to! Gail has
called the Senior Law Project at Legal Aid for advice.

Consumer Issues

Elmer, who lives alone at age 98, bought a personal alert system for emergencies from a
local supplier who called and then came to see him. It is a lot more expensive than he
understood and he wants to return it and get his money back. The company says it is too
late for a refund. He made an appointment at the Senior Center to see a lawyer with the
Senior Law Project.

Shirley complains about the quality and type of food that they serve at her assisted living
facility. She rarely eats in the dining room and wants to pay lower rent because she doesn’t
eat their food.

Mabel has been in the local nursing home for a couple of years now. She requires a high
level of care, as she is a quadriplegic. She has a favorite grandson, Sean, who comes to
visit her often. She tells him how badly she is being treated, although nothing ever happens
when he is there. The rest of the family doesn’t seem to care about her complaints, if they
even notice. Sean decides to make a complaint of elder abuse by the nursing home. He is
infuriated when the investigator finds no substantiated abuse. He keeps calling the
investigating agency, asking them to do more.

Estate Planning and Probate Matters

Joe recently had his second heart attack last month and his wife had a slight stroke last
year. He figured he has plenty of money invested to provide for their care without long-term
care insurance. But his daughter, Jill, is a financial planner who works with seniors
regularly. She tells him he should set up a trust to preserve their assets. Joe doesn’t want
anyone else to control their finances.

Carol’s husband died last year and she has not updated her will. Her son keeps bugging her
because he thinks his inheritance will go to his step-dad’s kids, who are already rich. Carol
keeps procrastinating, not sure what her husband would want her to do. She confided in her
favorite foot doctor recently.

Ken passed away in January and made his younger brother, Allen, his personal
representative. Ken’s 4 kids are fighting like cats and dogs about how the will divided his
personal effects, assets and valuable coin and stamp collections. Allen has contacted Ken’s
attorney for advice.

Guardianship/Conservatorship

Jim is afraid they have waited too long to have Dad sign a power of attorney authorizing Jim
to handle all his affairs. Now Dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Jim is
planning to file for guardianship, but his sister, Karen, thinks that is too cruel and Mom
agrees with her. Karen has called the local Alzheimer’s Association for help.

Kathy lives in Atlanta and is very worried that her brother Steve will steal their mother blind.
Steve has joint ownership on Mom’s checking account and Kathy thinks that Steve may have
gotten Mom to sign over the title to the family home. He is living with Mom rent-free. He got
out of jail 9 months ago after doing time on an illegal drug charge. Kathy’s husband says
she should file a petition for conservatorship ASAP. Kathy wonders if there is any other
way. She called the local Area Agency on Aging office and was connected with Adult
Protective Services.

Social Life and Activities

The adult kids can’t stand Dad socializing with his new girlfriend; she’s young enough to be
his granddaughter.

Sue is really concerned about her Mom’s health; she used to be such a social person,
playing cards, going shopping and having lunch with her friends. Since she fell and broke
her arm she just stays in her apartment all the time. She doesn’t answer the phone and her
friends have quit calling her.

Spirituality and Aging

Dad really needs to “make peace” with certain family members while he still can. Daughter
Sarah can’t convince him to call his son or his brother.

Mom wants some spiritual support, but Dad won’t let anyone from the church in the house.

End-of-Life Decisions

Family members are at odds over Dad’s end-of-life healthcare choices and his health is
rapidly declining. Some of the family are unwilling to let him go.

Ongoing Relationships

Harold treats his caregivers so badly that they quit after only a few days. The in-home care
agency director is at wit’s end about how to provide him care. The residential care facility
staff are at odds with each other over Mrs. Pickle; she always plays one against another,
telling each that s/he is the only one who does things right and complaining about the
others. Several of the staff are now mad at the supervisor, who doesn’t seem to be taking
the complaints they have passed on seriously.